saturday, april 14th, 2007

i've been away too long

So, after giving it some thought (and repeating to myself several times that I couldn't just let a layout as pretty and perfect as this go to waste), I came to the conclusion that owning a weblog doesn't necessarily imply updating it regularly, or, for that matter, stopping using my LiveJournal, which I find far more suitable for my sudden auto-biographical writing urges, in which I'm careless about language and style. To me, a weblog ought to be neatly written and well taken care of, both of which are things I'm generally terrible at keeping up with for a very long time, thus leading me to not feeling like blogging at all: and this is when LiveJournal comes in handy, because I'm truly 'whatever' about how pretty or fluent my entries there turn out. Still... I missed having a weblog. Well, actually, I'm just far too egocentrical not to have a cute little sidebar full of the things I am, love and hate. And after all, I thought to myself, it's not like I'm required to post an entry every single day. I can still keep writing on my LJ more often, while still maintaining this easier on the eyes, organized place for myself and whoever's interested. And this, I suppose, concludes my 'guess who's back' paragraph.

So, guess what? I finally got the courage together to take the test yesterday morning (not that I could have taken it much sooner anyway, seeing as how the three months wouldn't have passed yet), and it seems that I won't be dying from AIDS anytime soon. *THANK GOD.* Indeed, I am not infected with HIV, as I feared I could be, after several sex sessions with a very playboy-ish fuck buddy who apparently made a point to never use condoms with anyone. Now, unless Pedro has it (he does have a couple of risk factors, having used heavy drugs before and being an haemophilic), I'm completely clean, and will be sure to be far more careful from now on: especially considering the horrible death thoughts I've been having lately. I will still be taking the test again in another three months, though, just to make sure. I mean, you never know, and I really don't want to die, let alone in a stupid way. Life's far too precious...

I saw two stupid-but-sadly-entertaining-because-I-was-bored-as-fuck-to-begin-with movies today: Blue Crush and First Daughter. Blue Crush was, like, 'surf surf surf', and I'm getting really tired of seeing Mika Boorem everywhere (Dawson's Creek, House MD, and now this...); she's so annoying, from her looks to the way she talks. First Daughter was, well... a Katie Holmes movie. Yeah, enough said. Incredibly Meg Cabot-ish, and therefore clichéd and empty, but I will admit it had a nice twist that I had not foreseen (then again, I didn't feel very perceptive at the moment). Who cares, right? Anything's better than working on a Community Health presentation on alcohol, tobacco and cellphone addiction. *Yay for procrastinating.*

I feel very (well, somewhat) nostalgic today. Just a couple of hours ago, near sunset, I was sitting on this very chair and suddenly realized it's April 14th: the exact day I came back from my senior trip in Lloret de Mar one year ago. Best week of my life, with so many ups and downs... God, I have so many powerful memories attached to it, João being the strongest one. I remembered how on the day I left for Lloret (April 7th), at sunset, just one hour or so before getting on the bus, I went to the window and just stayed there for a while, thinking, trying to foresee the future, staring at the horizon, and then talking to Ana on the phone: but always with KT Tunstall's Other Side Of The World playing. So, today I decided to repeat the process (except for the calling Ana part *duh*), and, as I sang along to the song... it made me cry. Not literally sob, but shed a tear or two. Memories. God... I can't believe the whole João situation still feels so bittersweet. I'm pretty sure I'm over it, but I don't think some feelings -- well, more like impressions -- will ever go away. Tomorrow would be our first-year anniversary... and I wonder whether I should say something to him. Logic tells me no, but my heart happens to feel otherwise. We parted on pretty bad terms last time, and haven't had any sort of contact for nearly two months, but it still feels far too important to ignore.

Yeah, I think I will do something. Regardless of the consequences.

Music, music, music. I love music so much: it's such a big part of who I am and what I do, and it just keeps getting stronger and stronger. Placebo, of course, are still the air I breathe, their concert which I attended last May still being the best two hours of my entire life. Which is why I'm so thrilled about the fact that I'll get to see them again in a month from now, on May 19th, at the Creamfields festival in Lisbon. *ORGASM ORGASM ORGASM* Oh. My. God. I really can't fully express what Brian Molko means to me, how much I love and feel and get lost in their music and lyrics. It's impossible, so I won't even try; just by doing that, I would be underestimating my own feelings, which are far too strong for mere words. Let's just say that I'm really happy about seeing them again. <3

Oasis ~ Stop Crying Your Heart Out | 10:00PM |